Ignored

"What is worst then being hated?

Being ignored!

At least when they hate you, they treat you like you exist."

Being ignored is worst feeling ever.

It hurts so bad every time you be ignored. It happened a lot the last couple years, sometimes it might just feel like, but still you always try to act like you don´t care. That the hardest part not caring

I do care, everyone does. No one like that feeling, but still we keep ignoring people our self. We think someone else will care about them; but how can we be so sure?!

I´m afraid people start ignoring me. My parents got both now there own, new exciting life. What will happen if they for get, start ignore me?

My friends will they keep paying attention?! They have there own life too, and right now life starts getting more exciting for them too.

I´m scared that if no one pays attention I´m gonna slip away, like I saw other people do. I always (and still am) was against any kind of drugs or alcohol. But in Germany most (/all) people, my age, drink. One month and I´m legal too, but if I get ignored, will I ignore, out of frustration, my limit?! Will I get into the wrong people, because they don´t ignore me?!

I don´t know, but what I know: I´m strong, stronger then I know. I´m always my self, and like myself the way I am and my friends a good too. 

I´m afraid of the unknown, but maybe I need to just concentrate on what I know!

Friendship

 "Good Friends are like stars, 

you don´t always see them,

 but you know they are always there."   

I feel like the luckiest person on earth to have such good friends! Even though I am miles apart and don´t always have the time to talk to them, they are still there for me!

They listen, believe in me, support me, miss me, send me hand written letters....

My friends are the only thing to give me hold right now. I´m not sure that I would have ever imagine that my friendships are so strong! It showed me, that they realised all the love I gave to them the last years and are more then happy now to give some back to me! It makes me also kind of proud of my self, that I build up so many true friendships the last years. As specially now, needing them and seeing how it is without having them, I really know to appreciate it!

I just love them and I really hope that when I come back, that is the one thing that won´t change, at leased just get better....if that is even possible!

 

Staying Strong

 “You never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have.”

I´m stronger then I ever expected, or lets say: stronger then anyone else expected. But, hey, I guess that's me. I seem to manage everything perfect, I just try to do the right thing and make everyone happy. 

I try so hard, maybe because I want to impress people?! Or make people proud...make them not just see me like a kid, I want to be someone! 

But all this trying, to do everything right to never say anything wrong (rather say nothing), makes me tired. It´s hard how long can I keep going?!

What I just did the last 10 month, living away from home in foren country, isn´t that impressive in a kind of way?! I´m trying so hard  to make people be `interessted´ in me! And still i feel like...I don´t know...like no one sees it...

I´m just so sick of trying hard, but at the same time it is me! I am always trying! And I won´t be able to tell my self: "don´t care so much!". 

I don´t know what will happen when I come back in my new/old life. 

I don´t want people to see me the same, I want change, but at the same time, I´m so afraid of change! I can´t control it, I don´t know what and how things will change, that scares me! I´m afraid to lose power, to shut off...

But I guess right now being strong is the only choice I have!

How it started

I´m Demi and I´m 15 years old.

I´m spending my last weeks, as an exchange student, in the USA, right now.  

I´m originally from Germany, where I lived as an only child with both of my parents.

Well one of the reasons I decided to do this exchange year is because I got kind of bored with my life in Germany, nothing seemed to change. Now after spending 9 month away from home everything changed. 

That´s what I wanted, right?! Honestly, I´m not sure about this any more...

Right now I´m good, but in a few weeks when I flight back, I don´t know what will happen. 

The way I see the world changed, it made me change; I´m sure my friends changed, too. But that all isn´t what scares me the most, the thing that makes me freak out are my parents!

Thanksgiving 2011, my parents broke up, a fact that I actually can handle. My parents always used to fight, and there where so many moments I thought they would just break up. 

And it happened, in a kind of way it was still shocking, since I waited for years and it never came...

When they told me, they said "But everything will stay the same till you come back!" Of course I knew it won´t! It were still 7monthe till my return...But I didn`t expected it to change that much! 

Christmas my dad moved out and told me that he had a new girlfriend; I had to watch my mum cry on Skype. It wasn´t easy... Then Easter my mum was better, but then my dad told me about his new, new girlfriend, and how they might move together. That was the point where I started panicking! I looked at this "new girlfriends" fb profile, and realized, that I´m not a fan of her.... 

Now I really don´t know what will happen when I come back....I want my parents back, I don´t care if not together, but I want to be important to them! I probably am, but I don´t feel it, they all just got back their freedom, I toke from them when I was borne, what made them marring. 

I´m really afraid of what the future brings, because right now I feel really alone and don´t know what will happen...

I know I´m strong and smart but am I strong and smart enough?!