Staying Strong

 “You never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have.”

I´m stronger then I ever expected, or lets say: stronger then anyone else expected. But, hey, I guess that's me. I seem to manage everything perfect, I just try to do the right thing and make everyone happy. 

I try so hard, maybe because I want to impress people?! Or make people proud...make them not just see me like a kid, I want to be someone! 

But all this trying, to do everything right to never say anything wrong (rather say nothing), makes me tired. It´s hard how long can I keep going?!

What I just did the last 10 month, living away from home in foren country, isn´t that impressive in a kind of way?! I´m trying so hard  to make people be `interessted´ in me! And still i feel like...I don´t know...like no one sees it...

I´m just so sick of trying hard, but at the same time it is me! I am always trying! And I won´t be able to tell my self: "don´t care so much!". 

I don´t know what will happen when I come back in my new/old life. 

I don´t want people to see me the same, I want change, but at the same time, I´m so afraid of change! I can´t control it, I don´t know what and how things will change, that scares me! I´m afraid to lose power, to shut off...

But I guess right now being strong is the only choice I have!