Since a couple of weeks I´m back in my old/new/real life.
The days before I got back home I was scared, a lot. Not knowing what will happen and how i will take it, didn´t really make me excited about coming back.
Now, I´m fine; I think... I mean it is good, I feel O.K. with my parents not living together anymore, I´m O.K. with there new boy-/girlfriend (I might not be a big fan of them, but as long as my parents are happy...).
Well I´m O.K. and my friends, what I would have never imagined like that, are always there for me, I can tell them everything! I should be amazingly happy having them, and I really am!! <3
But still it feels like something is missing...I don´t feel safe...
I know I can count on my friends, but even though there are amazing, they are still "just" my friends. I miss my parents, being my parents. They have so much going on in there life...
As specially my mum doesn´t take the divorce really good...she is still mad/sad/stressed out..and it´s just not easy seeing it. I´m strong enough to handle the situation for my self, but I just don´t feel ready to be there for my mum too...I just miss her being there for me...I don´t know how we will work/life together in the future, I mean we are really different...
I´m more like my dad, who I really love and I miss having him around, more then I expected, because he is like the only one who gives me that safe feeling, right now.
But hey! Actually I´m good! I´m fine..in a kind of way I´m pretty happy!! but how is it that I still feel so..empty?!
I cried a lot when I was little, but now, I feel so numb...
With this huge amount of major change in your life, it's not a surprise that you're feeling unsettled! Take your time to adjust. Can you spend some time with your dad? At least remember that it is not your responsibility to make everything all right for your mom. As hard as this is for her, she's an adult and will get through this. Your desire to have a positive attitude is a gift to everyone around you!
ReplyDeleteThanks!! <3
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